Overheard between a king of hearts and queen of dice:
KH: Hi dear, fancy finding myself on top of you. Thanks to that lady who strew us carelessly around after the game.
QD: Hmmf! Such impertinence, after what happened at the game last Saturday!
KH: But what happened? All I remember is the strong smell of beer from that lady’s mouth, and… (a wistful smile appears on his face)
QD: Don’t act innocent! I saw that lady fondle you, the way she was staring at you, bringing you close to her eyes, and the way she kept rubbing your beard, I thought she’d kiss you outright.
KH: (a little arrogantly) But dear, I am the King of Hearts! (seeing this not taken too well by the queen of dice) I couldn’t do anything about that. And I thought she was slightly blind…
QD: Harummph! That’s the worst part. She had you entirely in her power. She just refused to let you go from her grasp. And not that you wanted to get away too. Blind, my foot! She was sozzled, plain as that. And you. Enjoying a drunk woman’s caresses! What’s the world coming to, I ask you?
KH: (smugly) You are just jealous, my dear. And piqued because she cried out – I got a Jack – when she had you firmly between her fingers (laughs uproariously at the rememberance)
QD: (snorts) The impertinence of that dame! When she had me in her hands, it was the Queen of Vice holding the Queen of Dice!
KH: (chuckling softly) Calm down, my dear. She’s not a bad sort, you know. After all, she slammed down the King of Spades firmly, declaring him to be the King of Clubs. I glimpsed his face when we were being shuffled around. I swear he turned red. (another uproarious laugh) And then she’d be seriously confused!
QD: (still angry) And when she had the Ace of Hearts in her grasp, she kept staring at her boyfriend intently with a huge smile on her face and kept saying ‘My Ace of Hearts!’ and pointing to him. Such a public display of affection! (slight sob) I was almost green with envy….
KH: Hey queenie, pipe down. I hear her footfalls. I am sure she’ll pick us up off the ground now that she’s sober and wants to clean up. Hey, hey… (He is whisked away and packed into a box, last heard shouting ‘Keep me away from No. 6. I am royalty, they shouldn’t be allowed near me’)
(The box closes)